This is what I came home to.
She likes to sneak off behind the house when no one is looking. Through the gate, down the hill, into the wild blackberries that grow there. Then she can just graze to her little dog heart's content. Then she comes back COVERED in stickle-burrs, with that "What?" expression on her face!! It has to be the berries, because she wouldn't get off the couch unless food is involved. Seriously. This morning I left for work and said "Goodbye! I'm leaving!"
"Seriously! I'm going now!"
"I'm off to make money to keep you in dog treats!"
Not even a twitch.
So I walked over to her, (and checked to see if she was still breathing) and ruffled her fur and kissed her sweet doggie head and inhaled her warm puppy smell and smoothed her soft little belly and told her to have a good day, and that her Mama loves her.
Nothing. Couldn't be bothered to lift her head! What a brat. But let me shake the treat jar, and it would be all loving concern!
I had a conversation with a man at work a long time ago who is also a dog nut. We talked about how dogs teach you unconditional love, and I said, Wuhl YEAH! But not on HER part! She couldn't care less who feeds her or takes care of her, as long as she gets fed on time. If someone parks on our street and makes the mistake of leaving their car door open, she will happily jump in and investigate all their belongings. If they have so much as a stick of gum; she lives with them now. All the unconditional love comes from MY side of the relationship! She can growl and snarl and bite and kick and I still love her. The most disgusting things can come out of every orifice, and I will happily clean it up, and try not to embarrass her in the process. She can lay there on the couch and not even acknowledge my existence, and I still love her with all my heart.
On another note, have you been watching Project Runway? Well you should, you really should. I have little paper dolls of all the competitors, and when they get eliminated I do something horrible to them! I really do love that show!!